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Fear of Singleness

In society today, we see that everyone is hyped over being in relationships, getting married or starting families. None of those are bad goals. However, those should not be our only goals. I have come to notice something very scary in the church: people want a “godly relationship” more than they want God. People want to get married more than they want to be the bride of Christ. We are investing so much in finding “the one” God has for us, instead of passionately pursuing The One who made us. The bible tells us to seek God’s kingdom and His righteousness first. When we put God first, He adds the things we need in our lives (Matthew 6:33). Don’t rush through these questions I’m about to ask you. I want you to meditate on these over time and see if you love Jesus as much as you say do.

  1. Is God really enough for me?

  2. Am I only praying for a spouse when I do decide to pray?

  3. If I didn’t get married, would I have resentment in my heart towards God?

  4. Do I spend time with God by myself without depending on a relationship in order to grow?

  5. Am I even getting myself ready for marriage? Or am I just desiring something because others look happy on social media?

“But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14)

The woman at the well is a clear example of the majority of us in our spiritual walk. We are empty. We can shout, dance and appear happy all day long. However, many of us are putting on a show to hide our inner pain or loneliness. You see, Christianity is more than how high we can jump in church, but how straight we can walk when the service is over. It’s okay to be a work in progress. It’s okay to admit that we don’t know what we are doing. It’s perfectly fine to stop what you are doing and just ask Jesus to help you. Please understand this, Jesus said His grace is sufficient for our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). The woman at the well shows me that no matter how many relationships we get into, no person will be enough to fill the void in our hearts that is meant for God. We have some strange notion that a relationship will complete us, and when it fails we run off to the next person to make us “happy”. Marriage is designed to draw us closer to God’s standard of holiness rather than towards earthly “happiness”.

For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water. (Jeremiah 2:13)

Many of us are currently jumping from person to person looking for love, peace, acceptance, and healing. Please stop expecting people to give that to you, you have to get that from Jesus. We have people in the church today that are afraid of being single. This may not be ideal to say and some people will be upset, but it is impossible for every single person to be married. There is not a perfect 1:1 man to woman ratio, so that alone should show us that God will allow some to be single. Not only will God call some to be single and use them for ministry (like how Paul dedicated his life to his ministry after being saved), but some people will never be married because they never allowed God to heal and prepare them. If you carry the bricks from past relationships to a new one, you will always build the same house. God wants to deliver you from the baggage you’re carrying. God wants His children to spend alone time with Him. If all of your time is spent with a new person, you will always find your identity and worth in people, rather than in Christ. When you find your worth in a person outside of Christ, it will fail and we will end up heartbroken. Yes, God will mend the broken pieces of our heart, but why put yourself through that? Place your heart in God’s hand and allow Him to place it in the hands of someone seeking Him. If you continue making decisions on your own, this toxic cycle will never end. 

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

This blog is mainly for those who don’t know how to be single or think they must be outside of God’s will if they are single. Many people trust God with everything except with their “love life”. Stop picking and choosing the areas of your life you’ll submit to Christ. Allow God to lead you instead of emotions or loneliness. Until you learn to be content alone with Christ, you’ll never know if you’re with someone because it’s God’s plan or if you’re just afraid of being alone.

“For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” (Colossians 2:9-10)

Grace and peace,

Tovares Grey


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