I hope the title alone didn’t scare away many readers because they feel as though I’ll condemn their marriage obsession. Marriage is good, God himself decided that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, but what happens when God’s people desire marriage as the ultimate goal of life? Let’s dig into identifying whether or not if we have an obsession with marriage, is that desire good or bad and let’s see what God’s word has to say about it.
What does it mean to “Idolize marriage”?
To idolize something is horrible, and not just because it is a sin, but when you idolize something you place that thing/person before God. Having an idol can make a “good” thing a “God” thing. We never really know it because it’s not like we literally bow down to these idols (I hope not), but we give them more of our heart, time and care than everything else. When entertainment, a relationship, sports, etc gets more time than God, there goes your idol. Of course things like our families, work and school will all require extra time and care, but we must never allow ourselves to put all of our time and trust in them rather than in God.
But I digress, what does it mean to idolize marriage?
When you idolize marriage, you want to be married more than you want God.
Now many of us will say, “of course I want God more”, but the truth is shown in our thoughts. Many of us say we desire God more, but we spend more time talking to everyone except Him. Now of course faith without works is dead and you will have to at some point get up from prayer and actually hold a conversation with someone, but how can God lead you if you are spending no time with Him?
Some of us spend too much time listening to how we feel rather than listening to God. Listening to feelings and memories will block God’s voice in our lives. Our hearts will deceive us (Jeremiah 17:9) and lead us to the wrong people, but we will never go astray when we study God’s word and make prayer a habit rather than a morning/bedtime routine.
When you idolize marriage, you live your life as though happiness begins at “I do”.
And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power: (Colossians 2:10)
In case you forgot or never read it in the bible, a man or woman cannot complete you, only God can. Many times we seek in people what can only be found in God. Someone else is supposed to come along and add to your life, not complete you. Marriage is not a destination for us believers, it is just another part of a beautiful journey that we should already be enjoying because God is with us.
When God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, Adam was not sitting down bored when God decided to make a woman. Adam was already working and ruling the way that God wanted him to and then God saw the need to give him help. If you are sitting down doing nothing and claiming to be waiting on God, don’t expect Him to reward laziness. God wants you active in church, your community and doing more than seeking marriage with your life.
So what’s your point? God wants us to get married!
Yes, God does want you to get married, but does he want you to worship the idea of marriage or does He want you to live for Him because only He can satisfy?
Why is desiring marriage a good thing?
It is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).
Two are better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
It is normal to have sexual urges and Paul says it’s better to marry than to burn with lust (1 Corinthians 7:9).
This world is corrupt and there are many broken homes, God’s plan is for man to be fruitful and we need more believers to show what a home should look like.
Everyone does not have the gift of singleness, and God knows that most of us at some point will desire someone. Marriage is the healthy way in pursuing a relationship, not recreational dating.
How is desiring marriage a possible bad thing?
We seek love and acceptance from people, and if they reject us we feel as though God has forgotten us.
It is easy to desire marriage just because someone else is married or we want to “feel appreciated”, and God does not answer prayers that have selfish motives (James 4:1-3).
Many women, maybe some men, pursue that fancy wedding and perfect honeymoon and eventually settle on the first person they can take to the altar, but they knew nothing about the person they have to spend an entire life with.
If sex is your motive behind getting married, that isn’t a strong enough foundation for it to last. “Good sex” cannot sustain a relationship, and God cannot bless a union that he isn’t a part of.
Many have yet to become intimate with God nor discovered themselves, so now their worth is based in a person that can change rather than an unchanging God who’s love is unconditional for us.
In my opinion, this is just my opinion, if you have the desire to be with someone, God doesn’t want you single forever. The only thing we must realize is that, this healthy desire can lead to a fatal end if we don’t allow God to lead us rather than emotions. Stop aiming to be like that dream couple you see on social media – you do not know their life outside of pictures. Chasing that Tumblr/Pinterest wedding will land you in a nightmare home if Christ isn’t your compass. I don’t think the church needs to be focused more on who we will marry over who we are already engaged to, Jesus Christ. One day, we will get to see our blessed savior in the sky and He will not say to us, “hey, that’s so awesome that you got married! Your life was perfect”, no, because he satisfies more than anyone or thing can on this earth. When we pass, our spouse will not come with us. So yes, enjoy your life while God loans you breath, but never allow your pursuit of marriage to be more important than your pursuit of God. If we chase a person, we can lose sight of God. But if we pursue God, He will lead us to the right person at the right time.
Grace and peace,