My Thoughts on Online Dating

Before I start this blog, please understand that everything I’m about to say is just my opinion. You do not have to see this the same way as I do. Feel free to take the good and leave the bad. Alright. Here we go….

Online dating is probably one of the scariest things a person can ever do in my opinion. I know many who met their spouse online and they’re happy now. I mean legitimately married for years and a few people in ministry and both of them are loving each other and serving God. So is meeting your spouse online possible? Yes. Is it wise to me? Not that much.

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything” —but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.” (1 Corinthians 10:23 NLT)

There are so many options for us to choose from online nowadays: Zoosk, Match, eHarmony, Tinder or the all time favorite…… Christian mingle. It’s weird to me how advanced we are becoming with technology, yet so unattached in reality. Did you know that it’s easier to flirt online than to talk in person and express your interest verbally? Studies prove that guys have more confidence in social media DMs than they do face to face with the woman they’re interested in. Actually, there was no research done and that was my opinion. However, I know you agreed when reading that. That’s why some girls have a guy in their inbox from 2013 saying “hey beautiful!”

I wouldn’t recommend online dating simply because I believe who you meet online isn’t always the same person in you see when face-to-face. That virtual boo you’re calling a “dream come true” could be a nightmare in reality. Not saying they’re a “cat-fish”, but their character and lifestyle doesn’t always match. I believe that if one were to go that route, they should honestly take some time alone with God and ask themselves this one question: is this a wise route to find a spouse or am I doing this because I’m tired of waiting to find someone/be pursued?

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I would hate for anyone to read this and assume I’m saying their relationship is not the will of God if they met online. So for me to say I’m against online dating, I have to be fair and say why.

A few issues that I have with online dating are as follows:

1. FaceTime doesn’t show character flaws.

– Can you see if they’re respectful and kind to others this way?

– Can you tell he’s a liar by a 1 hour phone call on FaceTime?

– Can you tell she has terrible body odor because of a FaceTime video chat?

Maybe those aren’t dealbreakers for you, but you get the point. Seeing them in person would resolve those speculations you should have.

2. Skype doesn’t show money mismanagement.

I believe that we can easily see how reckless someone is with their money when we see them in person. Flashy apparel, gifts or simply so much love for self. You believe in tithing and giving offerings at church, they believe it isn’t necessary and they are throwing that 10% into their wardrobe. If you two were in the same city, state or country, you’d know their values by their spending.

3. Facebook and instagram doesn’t show how their walk with God is in private.

– You don’t know if they go to church or love the church.

– You don’t know if they study their bible or pray.

Them posting their bible besides their Starbucks cup doesn’t mean they spent time with God. They probably only wanted likes on social media and to look spiritual to impress you. And please don’t tell me they’re spiritual for posting a verse taken out of context in the caption to their latest selfie.

4. They can be Romeo or Juliet via FaceTime, but have a whole spouse or bf/gf in their city that you don’t know about.

I know of one too many people who hooked up with someone online only to find out that they’re in relationship or married. I’ve had many heartbroken messages from people that didn’t know what to do when the man they loved was living a double life and hiding a family. Or a girl “broke up with them” or lost communication suddenly. Next thing you know, boom, she posted her wedding pictures right after. Not only that, but blocked them and now they’re just confused trying to figure out “why would God allow this?”

5. Everyone places their best foot forward on social media, not their flaws.

You don’t know how much they’re faking until you’re together. Or married because they can hide it for the couple days you two visit each other.

All of those issues are simply my reasons for not supporting it. It could be my cynicism, but those are issues you cannot afford to ignore. Before you say “I’m cutting off all dating apps or say you’re cutting me off, please say “God, i need to really pray and seek You about this”. Please don’t hold my words as bible doctrine. I know God is able to do anything, but I would not allow the internet to be my first option. Learn to communicate in person without relying on a cell phone to control your future. Besides, many use dating apps out of fear of rejection and God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. Be bold. Men, go pursue that woman. Ladies, make sure you’re always making yourself worth the pursuit. Allow God to guide your steps!

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬)

Grace and peace,

Tovares Grey

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